Why in the hell would you move on from a relationship when you are still in love? This makes no sense in many ways, but does make sense in so many other ways. This usually happens when your partner is a complete asshole but you’re still holding on to how this person previously treated you or from their past actions. Relationships are harder investments to walk away from than an investment with money.
Giving someone all of you is different than the exchange of funds. We are wired to want and need love and the value of someone’s love that is not a friend or family member is greater for most. That last statement is weird, yet true for most. You should not leave until all has been exhausted. When I say all, I mean all efforts of keeping things together. Never give any human being all of you. Invest that effort into your self-discovery and self-fulfillment.
Your ROI (Return on Investment) is greater when you invest in yourself first, unless your child is gifted in sports or some artistry that is guaranteed to make a ton of money. If you have a gifted child save some effort for them as well. Lol. I was just kidding, always give your kids great effort but not just for the gifted. Now let’s talk about how to leave when you are still in love, or while your partner still thinks you’re in love.
Love is a deep romantic or sexual attachment to a person. I am totally and only directing all content to intimate relationships, just to withdraw confusion. Are you just in love with the idea of being in love? There needs to be an understanding developed on the emotions that have you in a relationship that you want to move on from while still in love. Love is based on the foundation of the relationship. The foundation is what the attraction is to your partner. Why do you love the person that you’re with? Is it the person’s physical appearance, money, possible future, or the fact that the person catered to your every need?
None of that should be the foundation of a relationship. The foundation must be a combination of many things and none of them are superficial. Foundational things that should bring the emotion of love are: they inspire and or motivate you, they are supportive of all dreams and goals, non-judgmental, emotional and physically supportive, caring, friendship, sharing, and understanding. All other things are what I would call furniture that you decorate the house with. This means the house is the foundation and the furniture is the physical looks, money, and the great treatment.
What is the investment?
So now that we have established what love is, why are you looking to move on and how much have you invested? How much of you have you given to this relationship and what are you losing by leaving? It’s always harder to leave your best friend that has been by your side for many years. Is your future tied up into this relationship? Now, what you must realize is that your investment in the relationship is LOST once you decide to move on. No, you can’t have the gifts back, and there is no return of effort or time. I wanted to touch on investment because it can hinder a person from leaving a relationship that is no longer working for both.
Exhaustion of all efforts
What have you done to keep the relationship going and has it been genuine or forced? When and if you decide to move on, regret can’t exist. When you’re single and you ask yourself the question of what you did to keep it going, there needs to be multiple answers. You can move on to something else and you know you left something on the table. You can know that it will not lead to positive change, but you still must make the effort. The effort should be things like talking, dates, gifts, sex, compromise, distance, and a host of other things to try and change the mood. Exhaustion of all efforts helps remove the regret when moving on from the relationship.
Why are you still in love and looking to move on? The relationship should be at a point that it’s unbearable for this to now be a consideration. This person must be at his or her most selfish and inconsiderate point. Your partner is cheating, physically and or mentally harmful, or just existing. You should never be in a relationship that is abusive physically and or mentally and that should go without saying. If you are with a person and they add nothing to your life then this should be a reason to move on as well. Any relationship should be beneficial for both people and not just one. Both should give and bring something to the table that benefits the life of the other person.
Joy is a benefit, support, inspiration, and motivation. If the money has run low and he or she is having a hard time and you’re looking to leave then you were in the relationship for all the wrong reasons. If your why for leaving is strong and your efforts have surpassed the why then moving on is the best way to go. That relationship happened for a reason and it may not be clear initially but it will become clear in the future. Be confident in your decision. You know when time is up and that feeling of wanting to leave is a clear indicator. Your instincts will lead you the right way in relationships and put your best interest before anything else.
The hardest part about the process of moving on is informing the person that you’re moving on. What always gets in the way of this process going smoothly is ego. This fragile piece of a person is shattered when the person is no longer wanted. The reason why I touched base with the subtopics is to set you up to make the right decision and make it a final decision. The person receiving the news of the breakup never takes it smoothly.
That does not matter to you and the delivery of the message. You have analyzed all aspects and have given great efforts. This decision was made with logic and emotion. You have decided that the most important person of the two of you is your emotions. You made the sacrifices that were needed, your love was unconditional, and you exhausted all your efforts. No companion’s feelings and emotions are greater than yours.
The decision is rough but you are stern and know what is best for you and your feelings. Now you are alone and that relationship took a toll on you mentally and you don’t know how to date someone else. You need to do one thing after a break-up. You need to date yourself and love yourself after a meaningful relationship. This period of dating yourself and loving yourself helps you heal those wounds and bring yourself back.
You will have to interact with others of course, but make sure the others are positive and loving individuals. Make sure any environment you are in, are full of life and love. Don’t ask for advice from others, because you don’t need advice on what is best for you. Only you know what’s best for your life, because it’s your life. Take control and embrace the pain. You fix the pain with love but it starts with self-love. No one else will love you as you want if you don’t love yourself first.
Written By: Ronald Anthony Wilson
1. Sex is not the topic of conversation all the time. You must have more in common than just sex. Now I don’t mean that there is a time limit of when this topic can be discussed but it can’t always be the main topic of conversation. When sex is not the main topic of conversation, and you two find yourself talking about life, hobbies, love, fun, and everything that you two have in common, then foundation is being established.
2. The person actually calls you on the phone! Whoa, I mean this person dials your number to hear your voice to have a conversation. Now, I know this may make you nervous and you don’t know what to do when the phone rings but answer it and give it a try. This way of communication will eliminate confusion that most people incur when they only message each other
3. You rather hang out with him/her instead of your friends. When you have more fun, laugh more, have better experiences, and get butterflies before every meet. These feelings are clear indicators of LOVE.
4. Understanding is shown instead of judgement. You will never agree with everything someone may do or say, but you should not judge a person if it’s not something you agree with. You should always have some understanding as to why certain things were handled and said a certain way. I will not tell you to compromise your morals and values but if you're not compromising, you must show understanding.
5. Both of you are willing to pay. You should never always have to pay for the date or anything that you two are sharing in experience. If you find yourself ALWAYS paying, without an offer from him/her to pay, then RUN!! Regardless of your financial status the person you’re with should at least offer to help or pay for the date. If they never offer then you are setting yourself up for a selfish relationship.
6. You’ve been introduced to a special someone in their life. When you are introduced to people that they hold in high regard, they now hold you in high regard as well.
7. Public affection is always an indicator. Showing affection in front of strangers is not easy for most, and to have comfort in showing affection in public is a big step.
8.The word “WE” is being used more than I. When you’re included in every decision, discussion, and all plans. This means that the person sees a future with you. He/she mentions you or includes you in everything going on in their life.
9. Total support in everything you want to do. No matter what it may be he/she will be in your corner and assisting you in accomplishing all goals and dreams.
10. When all of the above is being done CONSISTENTLY then you are in the right situation. The 9 things listed above can’t just happen over a period of time and then stop. These things must happen all the time. Don’t accept a drop off of one of those 9 things.
Written By: Ronald Anthony Wilson
Oh, I am stepping in some shit with this topic, but this is why I have a blog. Since race is such a major topic of conversation today, and I have an opinion on the subject. I have decided to write and share with everyone. I honestly think whomever you choose to date is your decision. It is a shame that you’re fearful of how society will view you and your relationship with the person that you chose to love. Well I am here to tell you that I could give a flying superman FUCK about what others think of my dating preference. Regardless of what race you are, date what ever race you shall choose. I can imagine that some people have wanted to try interracial dating but have been hesitant based on the possible reactions.
I am an advocate for interracial dating and I feel everyone should try it, of course if you’re single. I have dated primarily outside of my race for quite some time now. I have heard all the comments, and I have been asked tons of questions of why I have come to this decision. It was not a decision, it is something that just happened. I didn’t reject it and I was open to see how and where it could go. I have learned a lot about myself and other cultures while dating non-African-American women. Black love is beautiful but LOVE in general is a beautiful thing. Limiting yourself in life and relationships will limit your exposure and growth. If you try interracial dating and it’s not for you, then move on and go back to what works best for you. Don’t judge others for whom they decide to spend their time. What you “like” or are attracted to has not worked for you so far so try some other flavors. I used to think that sushi was the nastiest thing anyone could eat, and then I tried it and loved it. It’s funny how we judge things before we even try it. “Don’t knock it until you try it”.
The older generation aren’t greatly acceptant of interracial dating and it’s understood in some ways. Blacks dating whites has always been a struggle in America. My family has questioned my decision based on their past experiences during the civil rights movement and just overall racism. There is a chance that you will not be accepted in the beginning by the parents but that is life. You will not be accepted in a lot of things that you choose to be involved with, but don’t be discouraged by bumps in the road. This is just not a white and black thing. Latin, European, Asian, and Middle-Eastern parents may not be acceptant of you either, and you will have to deal with friends, family, co-workers, and strangers opinions on your relationship. If you weren’t tough or didn’t have a “I don’t give a fuck” attitude before, then interracial dating will definitely help in that area.
Now I would like to make some things clear. Ladies that aren’t African American and are curvy, don’t date black men by default. I have met quite a few women that date black men because black men were more attracted to them then the men within their race. Date whom your attracted to and not just who’s attracted to you. Black men, stop dating outside of your race to “come-up” or “get over”, that shit is played. Black women aren’t the only strong women walking this earth and that stereotype that has been placed on other ethnicities is just dumb. Don’t try interracial dating after a bad break-up. This is cause for a bad experience regardless of race, especially for the person that isn’t scorned. Date someone that you feel you can create an amazing foundation for the future. A solid foundation with love at the center is, support, laughter, inspiration, motivation, understanding, and friendship. All other things are just leaves on a tree, and leaves fall from the tree every fall.
Open your mind and heart and see where it takes you. Don’t limit your interactions and follow what feels right and follow love.
Written By: Ronald Anthony Wilson.
I don’t speak upon Relationships and Love in my blog post as much as I would like to. This subject isn’t something I have been an expert on over the years but after I thought about things, no one is an expert at this subject. Relationships and Love are all a matter of opinion. No one relationship is the same, it’s impossible for that to be. There are too many factors to consider when it comes to two people uniting to become “one”. Genuine love is amazing in a relationship and amazing to see. This post has everything to do with whom you choose to have a relationship.
The biggest thing that we all must realize is that there will be failure in your life with relationships and especially intimate relationships. I hear most people change their character within a relationship after it has gone bad or they’ve been hurt by the person they are in the relationship with. I am sorry but life will destroy you if you change after every bad relationship. You will not be recognizable to yourself and everything will be in question in your life. STOP letting bad break ups defeat your spirit and your character. That person does not deserve that credit and power over you. How in the hell can you leave a bad relationship and then let it stay with you for the rest of your life? You let this stay with you by completely altering your approach to future relationships or being too sheltered. This then causes you not to be open for something new and great. You then have two personalities going on for the rest of your life and this can become a stressful. If you can’t be the same with your friends, family, and significant other then something is greatly wrong there. You must be yourself always.
When you are free and fun with friends but anxious and a stick in the mud with your partner, how can you have a successful relationship? I need all people to create your own rules and values for your relationships. There is no right or wrong way to love, it’s just your way. No one should have influence on your relationship but you and your partner. Social media, friends, family, nor strangers should influence your wants and expectations within a relationship. In my opinion, your partner should be your BEST FRIEND and when I say that I want you to compare how you approach both relationships. You can’t be fun and full of life with your best friend but tamed and calm with your partner. One Saturday you go out with your best friend and you are dancing at the bar and drinking alcohol like a fish. The next Saturday you party with your partner and you have one drink and stand and watch. This isn’t healthy at all.
I want all to be yourself in the relationship and if who you are isn’t accepted then you should move on. STOP adjusting certain character traits for a relationship, STOP being with someone for financial reasons, STOP getting in relationships because you’re lonely, and STOP being with someone just because they are attractive. Have some damn substance in your relationship! Does this person totally accept your mind, body, and soul? Does this person uplift, motivate, and inspire you? Is this person up for change and growth within the relationship because it’s inevitable in LIFE? Let the questions asked be your foundation for the relationship that you are in. That other shit is superficial bullshit that does not hold up long. Before all the above, make sure you love yourself before you can give love.
Written By: Ronald A. Wilson
The topic and the feeling of LOVE is something that is desired by all human beings walking this planet. I personally think it is the most powerful thing amongst human beings. I feel this way because of the good that it can do if utilized correctly. Love is something we not only want but we need for us to be complete beings. Who feels complete without love? Show me that person and I will show you a liar. One of the biggest issues is that we seek love instead of letting it come to us. You will only receive genuine love when you love yourself and have an understanding for what love means. This necessary feeling comes in different shapes and sizes. Most children need and receive love from their parents. Adults need and receive love from children, friends, family, and intimate companions. You must show your child love and let them know that you love them as much as possible. A child needs that to develop and become a successful adult and I don’t mean successful financially. Adults are much more difficult in their love needs. Once a person becomes an adult, if love wasn’t a great emotion in the household as a child the damage from that deficiency is visible. The problem with it not being in the household at an early age is the desire clouds judgement in relationships. The bad judgement is accepting verbal abuse, physical abuse, lies, and manipulation. You can receive this from family, friends, or even a lover.
How do you receive proper love and from the right person as an adult? You must learn to love yourself first. Self-love then becomes an electric aura around you. Being alone and doing what it is that makes you happy will help in learning to love yourself. Smiling even when you don’t want to, appreciating who you are and where you are in life regardless of the circumstances, doing what you love more than anything else, and showing others love as well. This is the remedy to receiving the love you want and need. This is not a one-time thing, you must be consistent in doing these things to receive that genuine love. Genuine love is different from each person in your life. Genuine love never waivers, if lies and deceit aren’t in play within the relationship. IF you want genuine love then you must know how to give genuine love in return. Giving genuine love is accepting the individual for exactly who they are and not holding a condition against them. The love can’t leave if the person stops doing certain things for you or if the person changes in life. Genuine love is unconditional, and what you are in love with is the person’s character and soul. When that person changes or is not doing certain things for you that is beneficial, the love should not stop. How do you fall out of love with someone? You fall out of love with a person because you never really loved them for who they really are. You must have soul announcing conversations with your loved one, and always stay in tune with just that. When you have a child, you love them regardless of their evolution in life. Now I know a child is of different status compared to any other being in your life, but your love never waivers with your child. You fall in love with the attention from an adult and what they do for you. I ask that if you remove the attention and what they do for you, will you still love that person?
Love is not used for your convenience in life and this emotion should be used when it is genuinely there. This powerful emotion should be given to all around you but of course on different levels. Intimate and close relationships will be on a higher level than with a stranger. Look at all the intimate relationships that you profess your love for and ask yourself if you removed the attention and what they do and can do for, will you still love that person? When you love yourself first, you then find it easy to give love to others. I write this so that you understand that love is powerful and should be used wisely. Love is more than a word and when we understand just that, love can be spread throughout the world. Learn love and spread love.
Written By: Ronald Anthony Wilson
This topic is not just about intimate relationships. I want to talk about all relationships that you have with relatives, friends, co-workers, and especially intimate also. Relationships play a huge part in your life and can affect many parts of your life. Relationships affect your mental health, physical health, finances, and growth in life. Understand that you have total control over whom you have a relationship with. You don’t have to deal with anyone that you don’t want to except children that are your responsibility. Children didn’t ask you to be here, that was all your choice. The first relationships that you gain are with family and of course as a child you don’t have much say who you want to deal with and whom you don’t want to deal with. The early relationships are what make you up as an adult but you don’t have to keep the unhealthy relationships.
The word FAMILY is thrown around and used loosely and I don’t think many realize that when using the word. Family should help you and should allow you to grow into the person that you want to be with guidance, love, and care. Unfortunately, family can be harmful to you and hinder your growth in life. Once you are an adult and can make decisions for yourself, adjustments need to be made. Don’t allow people to continue to harm you mentally, physically, emotionally, or any other way because they are “Family”. I don’t care what relation that they are to you, no one should be able to mistreat you and get away with it repeatedly. Keep that negative energy out of your life and that goes for mothers and fathers as well. Let’s set the standard high for our self-worth and if “family” don’t value you as they should then the relationship needs to be dialed down for sure. I would never recommend removing the mother and or father relationship totally, depending on how they have affected you. Mental and or physical abuse is not and should not ever be tolerated. Parents can be very negative and judgmental and then disguise it as concern or “Love”. You should only have a conversation with your parents and very significant family members if you do feel judgment or negativity. Addressing this with them should hopefully establish some respect and if not then distancing yourself is key to maintain some type of relationship, but not exposing yourself to negativity in abundance. Love your real family and they aren’t always in the blood line. Keep the positive family relationships and distance all others.
The person that you choose to have an intimate relationship is your responsibility and you should be careful with this choice. The worst part about picking the right person is that the right person may turn into the wrong person over time. The key part is that you recognize that you are not growing together or you’re not capable of growing together. Once the recognition happens you then must make a decision that is best for you and your family. Stop staying for comfort, fear of being alone, and other things that pass or get better over time. No human being is more important than yourself and you must understand that. Why in the hell would you stay in a situation that will bring unhappiness, misery, or stay for someone else? LEAVE!!! Yes, it’s that easy. Please know that you are amazing and can’t expect to grow and be great in life for yourself or anyone else if you are in a TOXIC situation. Excuses will get you nowhere and will have you losing out on precious time. PLEASE stop wasting time trying to fix a situation that CAN’T be fixed. Life is too short to lose years of life to a bad relationship.
I will touch on this topic more in detail in later posts but I Just wanted you to think about certain relationships and if they are enhancing and or motivating you in life. Value your time and your encounters.
Marriage is the ultimate goal in an intimate relationship between two committed people, based on society standards. Why is that the case and why do we follow that? Just to be clear, I have NEVER been married but I someday would like to get married, but I will cover that later in this post. This topic is interesting to me for many different reasons. Unfortunately, I have not met many people that are happily married and I have met many people divorced or married many times. “This is how marriage is” “I don’t feel like starting over” “We have been together for a long time, so it’s time we marred” “It is what it is” and so on and so on. If you have made any of these statements or know of anyone that has made any of these statements, then there is definitely trouble in that relationship. Marriage was initially made for man to control the woman. It has since been re-created to show a union and a bond in your relationship. The re-creation hasn’t really happened for everyone (men). The LOVE and friendship isn’t in marriage for most and marriage has been ruled with STATUS, OWNERSHIP, and COMFORT. Love and friendship needs to be the foundation of any relationship. Why is love so hard for many? I blame it on insecurities and not taking time to discover yourself before you share yourself with someone else.