Where's My Father?

​          Where is my father, and why doesn’t he come around to see me? I am sure that question has probably been said by you or you’ve heard it from a child close to you. A child should never have to ask these questions, but it’s the reality of failed relationships and situationships. Two people get together, create a child and before you know it, BOOM, there is just one parent in the home of the child. This child is born but regard on how he/she is raised isn’t always in the parent’s best interest. Two people will have a child before they get married. You can divorce a person and never see them again if a child isn’t born into the relationship, but when a child is born into the relationship, you are forever attached to the person that you’ve had the child with. The sad part is that both people know that they aren’t ready for a child but practicing overrides intelligence.  


          Why isn’t the father home with his child/ren? Why is he always the first to be totally out of the picture? Yes, men are pieces of shit and aren’t as responsible as they should be. Men are also selfish, egotistical, and controlling. These characteristics are regardless of color or culture but of course some colors and cultures are worse than others. Men want their cake and the ice cream to go with the cake as well. A great majority of the time, the man is to blame for the ultimate failure of the relationship. We cheat on, lie to, deceive, and manipulate a woman and then expect her to be the same and or understanding for what we have done. This behavior isn’t good for the child and will always lead to the father being absent from the home. Once the break happens, the child has to break up with one of the parents also. The beginning stages of the break up become messy and the child becomes a key figure for leverage in the failed relationship. The man will ask to see the child but it’s really to see the mom, or what and how she is doing after the breakup. His motives aren’t correct and are lost in his emotions and ego. These antics can blur the vision of the mother on the relationship the father is supposed to have with the child.

          Now we all know that the man is not always to blame for the relationship going bad, and for not being a key figure in his child’s life. Growing up I didn’t have my father at home and nor was he in my life greatly. My father and mother both had issues with addiction and clouded their judgment on their responsibilities. My mother never placed him on child support but he did provide sporadically throughout any given year. The point is that I think he had full access to me but chose not to take full advantage of the access that was directly or indirectly granted to him. He could have seen me as much as he wanted or called as much as he wanted but he chose not to. I don’t know the total relationship between him and my mother but based on the circumstances, he could have been a lot more active in my life. I didn’t grow up with hatred in my heart towards my father but I do wish he was a bit more active in my life.

          Here I am 33 years of age with children from two different mothers and I am an absentee father. I’ve now moved to Miami and I don’t have a great relationship with my children. I had my children in my early twenties and I wasn’t the smartest twenty-year-old at the time. I took on the responsibilities of contributing to the lives of my children from the very start, but the break-ups with both mothers did not go well at all. The first mother placed me on child support and restricted me from seeing my child once she found out I had fathered a second child. My second child was conceived after my relationship was over with my first child’s mother. The pre-child support and restrictions were rough but I was still able to be around for my child until the birth of the second. The second mother was an episode from the Maury Show. A paternity test was needed to determine if I was the father, and her and I hadn’t spoke to each other during the pregnancy and quite some time before the pregnancy. Results show that I am the father. I step up to the plate to provide and contribute for my child. That relationship ends badly and restrictions along with child support come from this mother as well. Both break ups were my call but being young and uninformed of what love is meant we all were to blame for them ending.

          Mother’s, your emotions and feelings are not more important than the child’s relationship with the father. The green light to be a father should be given without hesitation, without lawyers, judges, and the state being involved. Child support is needed for men that choose NOT to contribute but have the means to do so. This was not created for spite, control, or extra income for yourself. The child isn’t a chess piece in your game of pain and anger. “You can see your child ANYTIME you want, and lets workout what you can contribute financially for the child” would be amazing to hear. Stop with the games and the scorn. You should never keep a child from seeing their father, and that’s regardless of how you were treated. If his ass decides not to be there for the child and you gave the greenlight, then that is his problem and not yours. Children need both parents involved in their lives and it’s that simple. Swallow pride and ego and make it work and this has to happen with both individuals. 

Written By: Ronald Anthony Wilson